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Sunday, October 08, 2006

Raiders Sucking Like Chasey Lain

Here's a quick comment I just dropped on the SF Comical's Raiders blog. If you're a football fan (or, God forbid, a Raiders fan) you may find it morbidly amusing. Or not.

I am so tired of trying to root for this gutless, incompetent team. The next time Lamont Jordan walks away from a lateral clanking off his ass, he should be benched for a full game.

There is no sense of urgency to this team. They can't count (how many false starts per game are we up to now?), can't catch (dropping as many balls as they're catching), and can't tackle. Shoulda known that Frank Gore would break his fumble streak on Duh Raiders.

Four years straight of this ridiculous nonsense is enough. I have no idea why I'm supposed to spend money watching this team stumble listlessly through every game. I'd like to think they could get their shit together and make a 9-7 or even 10-6 playoff run, but looking at the rest of their schedule, it really is possible for them to not win a single game this year. Maybe if the Lions or Titans were on the schedule, but maybe not even then.

I'm just disgusted with this level of performance. Maybe Ben Davidson will show up at practice and put the fear of God into some of these guys; short of that, see ya next year, fellas.


It may actually be even worse than that. This team has no chemistry, and is on the verge of either total meltdown or mutiny. I'm dead serious. One problem I see is that virtually all the blame is getting dumped on the quarterbacking, when the fact of the matter is that the offensive line has performed miserably. They miss blocks and constantly draw stupid, drive-killing penalties like false starts. Aaron Brooks had to run for his life the first two games, and Andrew Walter has had only slightly better protection the second two, primarily because the defenses of San Diego and Baltimore are far better than those of Cleveland and San Francisco. I have no idea why Art Shell thought dumping Marques Tuiasasopo into this mess would help anything. Hell, might as well bring back Jeff George again while you're at it.

Secondly, the receiver corps has been spotty at best. I've seen Randal Williams -- who was excellent on offense and special teams in the preseason -- drop more passes in the last two games than he's pulled in. Randy Moss had a terrific touchdown catch between the knees to put the Raiders ahead in the second quarter, but he also dropped a (for him) money shot in the end zone on the previous drive, and they had to settle for a field goal.

Finally, while the defense had two nice fourth-down stands when they needed them, they also allowed Frank Gore -- who had fumbled in each of the previous four games -- to dance all over, around, and through them. Arnaz Battle, a mediocre receiver at best, completely pwned the secondary. That's just fucking inexcusable.

Frankly, I see some imminent locker room and meeting room clashes, prison style. I can see Art Shell just walking up silently to the last guy to show up at the next team meeting and fucking deck him, just to send a message to the rest of them that punctuality is not an option, nor is paying attention. I can see Andrew Walter going up to Randal Williams or Randy Moss and telling them that the next time someone drops a pass that hits them square in the fucking numbers, someone will lose some teeth.

Okay, I'd like to see such scenarios, because I think that this crappy team has already sunk to such depths that only such drastic measures will shake them loose, but it won't happen. This is a poorly-prepared, poorly-organized, and (sadly) poorly-coached team. Dan Marino was right -- this team really might go 0-16.

So, you know, I hope Al Davis realizes that all of us Raider fans know exactly who the ultimate blame lies with, that he was stupid to let Jon Gruden go, that he's stupid to get in a pissing contest with Jerry Porter. Just between those two episodes and his old feud with Marcus Allen, Davis' ego and bullshit has cost his precious team countless wins and playoff appearances. And since it's all about the benjamins in the end, perhaps if nothing else, the thought that people might just stop showing up to watch the Special Olympics of the NFL, wasting their hard-earned money, maybe that'll sink in.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

2002 was the "Year of Distraction" where I was supposed to be doing all the right things only to be faced with the Raiders in the Super Bowl and the A's in the World Series.
Well, I was far off expectations. The Raiders still got what they want, unless they were supposed to win, because I was a Steeler fan when I was a child. But the A's, my only favorite team in all of sports, the team the gods created a connection with, where my fate/potential was illustrated through their achievement or lack therof, lost their World Series matchup, with the Giants of course (Bay Bridge Series created great excitement) and as a "consolation prize" the A's were given the AL win streak record of 20 games in a row during the month of August.
I think this is why the Raiders were good back then:::me. The Situation.
I think they positioned Al Davis to along the way learn the truth and become good, and the Cable fiasco may have been the clue they are deliberately tanking the team so they don't provide a distraction to the poor Raider Nation who are so handicapped in this department. But Al Davis isn't going to live forever.
As I illustrated with "angel dust" (the gods used the "cholo" community to frighten whites away from this drug), there are clues in names and terms. I think it is true as well for Los Angeles. I suspect the gods put an unincorporated Hollywood in Los Angeles's boundries to balance the goodness, as is so prevalient in today's organizational structures.
Judging from their success, the Raiders were still positioned to be confused when they initially moved to Los Angeles, but along the way the gods positioned the proprietors to have become educated. Return move a positive because it corrects the earlier mistake, but one day, when Al Davis is no longer with us, the new owners of the Raiders will reverse the trend, making the Raiders evil once again, and they will return to Los Angeles to pollute the City of Angels, just as the movie industry does on a daily basis, perhaps bigger and better than ever.