Monster's Balls

Maybe they should just have a once-and-for-all press conference, the Clinton campaign, to make it clear that any criticism is really unconscionable persecution. The hounding of the First Family and all. Christ, you know I've tried to be a good German here and voice my endorsement of the Democratic candidate, no matter how personally unpalatable. But right now, only Barack Hussein Obama seems to properly fit the bill of an actual Democrat. I'm not sure I own a pair of Vise-Grip™s big enough to hold my nose sufficiently to endorse the Clintonistas' full-bodied bullshit.

She's allowed to lob cheap rhetorical scuds at will, but any response in kind and you're Ken Starr. How fucking rich (and I don't mean Marc Rich, not yet). Turns out her staff stroked Canadian diplomats with reassurances that all that anti-NAFTA rhetoric was just syrup for the rubes in Ohio. Turns out that, good Democrat that she is, she'd rather have John "Like Fredo, only crazier" McCain win than Obama. (Can I get a Thanksralph?) And give me a break with the universal health care; what comes out my pocket on the job will now just come out of my taxes. The same people will still get paid the same money for the same quality of care.

Oh, but she's been "tested" and "vetted", right? Already her campaign has been awash with shady ties and furtive dealings, not terribly unlike her husband's tenure as chief executive. Sure, the Gingrichites managed to inflate every molehill into a proverbial mountain they could climb, but with each came its own tiresome soap opera, the litany of half-evasions and dog-ate-my-homework excuses and smug triangulations.

Now, none of this is to say that Clinton is not smart and capable, and an objectively "better" candidate than McCain. She is. But not to the scope and degree her fanclub thinks. She has been strident and conservative in her support of Israel vis-à-vis Iran; she has never missed an opportunity to at least rhetorically (and frequently in practice) genuflect to the mossback wing, as if they will ever regard her with anything but sheer contempt. Say what you will about the conservatards, but at least they know better than to play those stupid games.

From flag-burning amendments to video-game legislation, HRC has been at the forefront of symbolic me-too bandwagoneering. She stands for absolutely nothing, and there is no guarantee whatsoever that she won't continue those very practices when it comes time to change tack in foreign policy or select a Supreme Court Justice. It's still worth taking the chance, but that value steadily dwindles as she squanders her credibility, showing little more than a dedicated willingness to fuck up her own party's chances if need be. It would be helpful if just one (1) intrepid mediabot would just ask her point blank whom she would prefer to win this election if she doesn't get the nom. Seriously.

Because as it stands right now, I honestly can't tell, which makes me wonder why we peons are supposed to be more dedicated to the Party's success than she is. I'm not a Democrat, assholes, I'm a goddamned independent, and as such, maybe it's time they started doing a little better job of convincing me that they're on my side, rather than just expecting me to be on theirs.