Thursday, September 04, 2008

Elephant Gun

"My friends, that is a vacation cabin you can believe in!"

[Photo via Talking Points Memo]

Parting thoughts from the Inbred Asshole Club RNC:

  • If the DNC is generally oleaginous piffle couched in encounter-group boilerplate, this is the vicious flipside -- unmitigated gall and inchoate fury; smug, defensive rhetorical gambits (i.e., lying) to impress these drooling chowder-heads with at least the illusion of plausible deniability. With this crowd, there's no doubt it worked. Two out of every three people in any given crowd pan looked like they'd have difficulty putting their fingers together in the dark. When Bob Eubanks asks the magical question, "Where's the most unusual place you've ever made whoopee?", these are the people who say, "Um, in the butt?".

  • Party animals: Considering these people have chosen an elephant to represent the fundamental characteristics of their virtues and values, it's a bit ironic that they appear to be so forgetful about which party got us into this mess. Ah yes, the dhimmicrats, who have controlled Congress for about 22 whole months, and stood up to Bush approximately never.

  • Has anyone ever had a week quite like Sarah Palin's? Sure, the base is energized for now, but it's still not enough. Her speech had 37 million viewers, nearly as many as Obama's 40 million, but what chunk of Palin's viewers were just tuning in to see how badly Straight Talk had stepped in it by picking her? And she raised $7 mil today for the GOP -- and $8 mil for Obama. Right now she's just an unknown milf with some Bushies writing some smartass barbs for her at an event she practically trained for, as a sportscaster/beauty pageant contestant. The novelty will wear off fast, and then she'll just be a hotter Marge Gunderson.

  • Plus her "reform" talking points are already being debunked, pretty much every third word out of her piehole is an exaggeration or flat-out untrue, and some folks from that quaint hometown are already fleshing out the Norman Rockwell narrative she's trying to write for herself. Keep shitting on community organizers, sweetheart. That'll really pay off for ya.

  • Meanwhile, back at the ranch: Noted diplomat and fellow hunting enthusiast Big Time is spending his last-minute vacay from the 'tard party to do what he does best -- stirring up shit. Consider it an extra present in the punch bowl for the next administration to deal with.

  • Party animals, part duh: The other elephant trope is the one in the room -- or rather, the one not in the room. I suppose the Goopers had to ignore Nixon at the '76 convention, though I was too young to know one way or the other. But a sitting two-term head of the party, still inexplicably popular with the dead-enders in this crowd, gets a six-minute wank on an off-night, and that's it. No Cheney, no further mention of Bush by any of the speakers, no burbling by Count Chocula, in between his imprecations at Obama, of his apocryphal claim to have thanked god on 9/11 that Bush was in office. Let's face it, the Democrats could not have done as forceful a job of sheer repudiation as Bush's own party just did.

  • I guess I had assumed at some point that maybe conservatards meant that shit about small-town values, at least to the extent that they might have some familiarity with what small-town governance is actually like. Apparently they don't or they'd realize that almost all a small-town mayor does is break ties in city council votes and cut ribbons for the local Chamber of Commerce. It's generally a ceremonial position. This is not exactly a secret; anyone who actually lives in a small town knows this. These morons would put Mayor McCheese on the ticket if you told them he was a moose-hunting, book-banning creationist.

  • The mayor must overcome a reputation for womanizing before he can be considered a viable contender in the upcoming Oklahoma gubernatorial race, a well-known stepping stone to national prominence.

  • Meanwhile, back at the ranch again: The search for the elusive October Surprise is resurgent. Imagine, this administration taking advantage of Pakistani instability to launch Special Forces incursions into border villages. It can't possibly blow up in anyone's face.

  • For people who have a hotline to What America Wants, they sure do seem hard-headed and thin-skinned. Wonder why that could be.

Already people are waging snark over whether Palin will allow Straight Talk to stay on the ticket, so underwhelming was his speech, to an underpopulated hockey arena, probably one-fifth the crowd Obama got in Denver. Surely Obama and his party do not deserve unthinking adulation, except compared to these knuckleheads. These people and their party just spent a week lamely attempting to spackle over their manifest failures with a lot of wild gestures and mumbo-jumbo. But Bush will become more conspicuous by his absence, the debates should be blowouts, and even the kool-aid chuggers in the Tearoom watching Rudy G and Cowboy Troy and all will realize that a three-peat would pretty much doom what's left of our standing in the world. And even these bozos know who's footing the bills these days.

1 comment:

Thomas Daulton said...

the debates should be blowouts

Awwwww, maaaaann, did you have to go and say that? How many times has that particular quote been an epitaph for Democrats.

You should know the MSM script by now: Obviously, long before the debates begin, obviously the Democratic candidate is the better debator. So clearly, it would only be fair -- necessary, in fact -- for us media moderators to give the Republican a few hundred Retard Points in advance, in order to level the playing field... in fact, we really have to acknowledge the pluck and bravery of the Republican candidate for confidently and knowingly standing up to the superior Democrat even with no solid ideas and poor reasoning capabilities, let alone handicapped by the fact that all their positions are unpopular in polls and the ones that've been tried have been abject failures. Yeah, you really gotta admire the perseverance of the Republican in the face of all those disadvantages. Gee, since he (or for this year's second debate, she) performed even that well tonight, one can only imagine how amazing a statesman s/he could be if only one hand wasn't tied behind their back by the idiotic ideas the Religious Right demands they pay obeisance to.

Yep, yep, no question, nope, obviously the Republican is the clear winner of this debate because s/he exceeded expectations and didn't slink off the stage crying when confronted by that mean ole' Democrat. But all that could change in the next debate on Tuesday, so stay tuned!!