Seriously? She's engaged to the little rapper dude from 90210? My friends, that is some wickety-wack shit I just cannot believe. It would upset the delicate balance of this entropic void/womb we call the universe. Though I have to admit, Vanilla Ice Jr. seems to have gotten himself some top-shelf ass over the years -- well, aside from Tori Spelling.
Oh, and Megan Fox with a Russian stripper. I may have to take the rest of the week off work to recuperate. How come there's no tape of that, instead of Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson? There's no justice in this world, I tells ya.