Nothing To Hide

In its repeatedly lame and bullet-riddled defense of its demonstrably illegal domestic-spying campaign, the Bushies have resorted to perhaps the most useless of all pseudopatriot tropes -- if you're not doing anything illegal, then you've got nothing to hide, and thus nothing to worry about. Forget simple data mining, you should just be willing to abrogate all of your remaining civil rights on the say-so of incompetent morons. If they want to strip-search you before you enter a supermarket, you should politely ask if they'd also like to inspect your tonsils with their cocks.

Very well, then. Let's set aside the Constitution -- if Dick Cheney's done wiping his ass with it for the moment, that is -- and apply this reasoning to one of the other current displays of mal-fee-ance by these sanctimonious cocksuckers.

76% of Americans want the White House to come clean with its records of meetings with Abramoff. Meanwhile, Bush glibly vacillates between increasingly pathetic voicings of "Jack who?" and insisting that he "supports" an investigation. Bullshit. If you supported an investigation, asshole, you'd cooperate fully and completely with the people looking into this, rather than asserting the usual imperial superpowers and refusing to release the relevant information.

And despite intrepid newscritter Katie Couric's painstaking research (that is to say, bullshit pulled directly from her sphincter, which I'm sure smells just like a sour apple Jolly Rancher) to the contrary, the Abramoff money machine was in no way, shape, or form an equal-opportunity money dispenser.

A new and extensive analysis of campaign donations from all of Jack Abramoff’s tribal clients, done by a nonpartisan research firm, shows that a great majority of contributions made by those clients went to Republicans. The analysis undercuts the claim that Abramoff directed sums to Democrats at anywhere near the same rate.

Fucking duh. What exactly would be gained by bribing Democrats? A four-year-old -- no, a slow four-year-old -- could figure this out pretty quickly, but not our Katie, kewpie-doll face of blithering, shamelessly equivocating, overpaid corporate meat puppets. Will Katie correct herself? Fuck, no. Sideshow Matt already went on and grudgingly acknowledged that Howard Dean was "technically correct" in his shameless assertion that Jack "Off" Abramoff -- former College Republican, lifetime Republican operative, member of the 2000 transition team for the Department of the Interior, whom George W. Bush has never met -- gave no money to Democrats.

Jeebus. Do these drones all just sit around the fax machine with L'il Debbie Howell and Father Tim, waiting for instructions from Mehlman and Rove?

Anyway, the vaunted administration that vowed to restore ethical conduct to Washington is now frantically trying to get all the photographic evidence of Bush and Abramoff down the memory hole. The memory hole of freedom, no doubt.

Apparently after the steady blitz of speeches and horseshit, Dear Leader's poll ratings are still hovering in the low 40's. As always, I just wonder what exactly it's going to take to get that remaining wad of morons to believe their lyin' eyes, once and for all. Not sure what they're hiding, besides maybe severe cases of lead poisoning and fetal alcohol syndrome. Stop drinking moonshine out of galvanized containers for two seconds, you nitwits, and pay attention and be honest with yourselves and your fellow citizens about what's going on.