Bow-Tie Vigilantes

I'm already about bored of this stupid "Larry Craig goes a-cruisin'" story, mainly because it changes literally nothing in the public discussion, either with regard to political or sexual matters. It really is, pardon the bad pun, a circle jerk. It's still funny, mind you, but since you know there's another closet conservatard in the next stall waiting to be discovered, the law of diminishing returns kicks in ever more quickly.

And while I suppose there's enough circumstantial evidence to corroborate his allegations, the anonymous (so far) guy who claims to have blown Craig in a bathroom stall in Union Station in 2004, okay, whatever. Just awful convenient, is all. But again, nothing will change -- not policy, not how Craig's manly-men supporters view themselves and project their sublimated energies onto their political leaders, not a damned thing. It's just something for assholes like me and Letterman to have fun with for a week, until Junior comes back from vacation and finds something else to fuck up.

But I am mildly intrigued by Tucker Carlson's bold and rather loopy tale of a park bathroom cruising that supposedly led to a bruising.

Tucker Carlson brought this home in an interview he did yesterday in which he got "bothered" in a public restroom when he was in high school and then got a buddy and went back to beat up the guy before he was arrested. To be fair to Carlson, we haven't yet heard whether the "botherer" grabbed Tucker's crotch or just tapped his foot under the stall.

The story smells like bullshit to me from the get-go; I don't know much about this sort of thing, but I can believe that a small wussy-looking guy like Carlson would get cruised at least once in his life. But to go to the trouble of bringing a friend back to beat the guy up, and get him arrested? Seems a bit much. Sounds embellished, for one thing. But even if true, Carlson seems to be a little too proud of it. Okay, Chief, you wall-slammed a guy (or rather, had someone do it for you) for offering to suck your tiny cock. Now go home and tell Dad what a man you are.

And while we're at it, I'm sorry if it's less than understanding of the downlow dynamic or whatever, but I really don't need to hear any limber defenses of "tearoom" activity, either. Public restrooms are inappropriate places for sex, period. I don't want to walk in on any number of any combination of people engaged in that sort of shit. It has nothing to do with gay people; I don't think straight people should fuck in public bathrooms either. Call me old-fashioned.

I suppose there's an argument to be made that it's highly inconvenient and inefficient for the participants to go through the expense and trouble of renting even a cheap motel room for what's probably about fifteen minutes of anonymous choad-swapping. Tough shit, Hopalong. I don't side with social conservatives on a whole hell of a lot, but I don't think it's too much to ask that people find somewhere besides a fucking public park to shoot dope and get their rocks off.

All that said, I also recall rednecks from high school who thought a great way to spend a Friday night was to go to the local park to find gays to beat the shit out of. I'm not a behaviorist, nor do I play one on TV, but I always assumed they were violently repressing their own latent urges. People are fucking weird about sex. Less time worrying about it and more time doing it with someone you like seems to be a reasonable motto.