Driving the Waaahhhmbulance

I can't fucking stand Kanye West. Still. I just wanted to share that.

Kanye West, a virtual shut out at the Video Music Awards on Sunday night, threw a hissy fit in front of cameras and crew backstage as the MTV show was coming to an end.

While waiting for a an elevator, West, 29, began yelling about losing all five categories for which he was nominated, including male artist of the year.

"That's two years in a row, man ... give a black man a chance," said West, barking his misery at the nearby reporters. "I'm trying hard man, I have the ... No. 1 record, man."

....

Last year, Kanye hit the stage at the MTV Europe Awards after not winning for best video.

I hope he means "Give a black man a chance" in the "help a brutha out" context; there are certainly enough ellipses in the quotes as well. Given his history of inflammatory comments, I'm not terribly inclined to be charitable in my assumptions, but it is possible that he didn't intend that the way it came out, or was taken slightly out of context.

Still, to be that desperate for a cheap trophy from a crappy basic-cable channel that hasn't shown any actual music videos in roughly a decade, damn. Maybe they can make a special Biggest Fucking Crybaby award for him next year, in the shape of a pacifier. Hell, maybe MTV just enjoys jerking his chain now, the way the Daytime Emmys did to Susan Lucci all these years.

In the meantime, Susan Kanye, like I've said before, go crack a few bottles of Cristall, bang some models, and shut the fuck up already. You're just a lucky -- or unlucky -- break from asking us if we want fries with that.

[Bonus Update: Oh, this is fucking rich -- the piano player has suddenly discovered where he really works. Shocking, and of course, entirely in keeping with Mister Man's overarching notion that if MTV would just let him open, and do the main stage, and give him all the awards, why he'd just be okely-dokely with all that. Imagine that.

Here's a thought, pal -- why not just put together your own fucking show, as Timberlake did just last week on HBO (which, you know, just might have accounted for his somewhat enhanced presence at the VMA show)? If you're as popular as you think you are, the networks will be chomping at the bit to air even a snippet of the Me, Myself, & I: Bask In My Immense Greatness and Smell My Farts, You Worthless Fucks Tour. You could probably even pay a clowder of flunkies to present you with a bucket of awards celebrating your enormous importance to the continuance of humanity's ability to carve and organize sound out of blessed silence with Pro Tools.

As the music industry, such as it is, continues to careen into the tar pits of technological and revenue-model irrelevance, I am reminded that I won't miss the presence of spoiled, narcissistic douchebags like this fucking goon, not a bit. Go pimp some hundred-dollar t-shirts to the wannabe suckas, dickhead.]