Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Duck Soup

I figure I spent most of my twenties at a minimum .20, and yet I managed to stay out of trouble, so I'm wondering just how shit-faced this asshole had to have been.

DENVER — The man accused of decapitating a tame duck at a Twin Cities hotel is a Denver federal health agency auditor who was on a government trip, an agency spokesman said Tuesday.

Now, Scott D. Clark faces a felony animal cruelty charge and has been placed on paid administrative leave from his job with the Office of Inspector General in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, said agency spokesman Don White.

"He was in St. Paul on an official government auditing assignment," White said. Clark, whose annual salary is $56,378, has worked one year for HHS.

Clark, 26, stunned people at the Embassy Suites Hotel in St. Paul, Minn., on Saturday when he cornered the duck against a wall by an atrium pond and ripped its head off, according to acriminal complaint.

He then told onlookers, "I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat it," and carried the headless fowl on the elevator up to the fifth floor, police said. Hotel security agents detained him there until police arrived.

Arriving officers said "feathers and blood were found strewn about the lobby area." They also saw the duck's head bobbing in the pond and blood drops on Clark's shirt, according to the complaint.

"It sounds like there was quite a bit of alcohol involved," police Sgt. John Wuorinen told the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

Oh, ya think there, Fargo? Let's see -- 26 years old, $56K/year cush gov't job, and this is how he road-trips, by getting blotto and going Ozzy Osbourne on a duck in a hotel pond? Jesus, whatever happened to finding the nearest pick-up joint and bringing back some strange? How hard could it be with that kind of money?

This new generation of kids, with their crazy music and their duck-killing, they need to stay off my fuckin' lawn. Somethin' ain't right with 'em.


woodguy said...

Why is it that these idiots always get rewarded with "paid administrative leave?' So they can torture more tame animals while sucking on the taxpayers' teat?

Hey, asshole, administer this.

Heywood J. said...

I'm sure they have to do that pending a hearing. He'll probably claim a drug/alcohol dependency or a chemical imbalance, if only because you throw it all at the wall to try and beat a felony rap.

And if they jump the gun and send him home w/o pay -- or god forbid, fire his punk ass -- and he ends up beating the case with his happy horseshit, he could probably sue. I'm just sayin'.

But yeah, it's galling beyond belief that we have to pay for this cobag to sit at home and laugh about getting shit-faced and ripping a duck's head off. Because you know that's exactly what he's doing.

woodguy said...

If he wanders into my neighborhood I'll personally imbalance his chemistry myself.

Seriously, isn't this reminiscent of Shrub and his firecracker frogs or Mitt's dog's preference for riding on top of the family buggy? These fuckers are all sick and we are doomed.

Michael Vick for President.