Saturday, March 14, 2015

Mutiny on the Clownty; Or, None Dare Call It Reason

Because we now live in an era where a thumb-dicked, draft-dodging cousin-fucker like Rudy Giuliani can still get his corrupt ass on the teevee as a serious common-tater, political discourse has taken a more-tacky-than-usual swerve toward proving Who Loves Them Some 'murka More, I Mean Like With Tongues And Throbbing Cock And Shit.

So, since the new crop of conservatard dickheads naturally takes their cue from 'murka's Mayor (PBUH), leave it to freshman cracker Tom, I say Tom, Cotton (R-Cletusippi) to spearhead yet another misguided opportunity to make Black Satan look bad. Like he don't love him enough 'murka. Not like us, baby; he cain't loves ya likes I loves ya.

This is less about who might be borderline traitorous in their sentiments and activities, and more about a party -- an entire political party here, not just one or two key players moseying off the reservation -- to risk buggering a critical piece of foreign policy, just to make Obama look bad. That's the key here, that everyone other than they're own constituencies seem to understand -- these guys are more than happy to fuck the country sideways, if it makes Obama's job just a little bit more difficult.

(And it's no coincidence that Cotton got the nod for this nonsense, since he's brand-new and not running for higher office -- yet. If it blows up in their faces, the party elders can point to the kid having a rookie mistake; if it works out, it's a feather in his cap down the road.)

Whether that means tweaking the administration by hosting Netanyahu's campaign speech, or writing the mullahs a letter that does nothing but empower Iranian hard-liners, they have shown that they are plenty willing to go the extra mile to mess with The Man. It is central to the evangelical core ethos that most of these knuckle-draggers spout that Israel gets into an all-out Armageddon with the Arabs (never mind that Persians aren't Arabs, they're still Mooooooooslim). That is where their actions trump mere partisan hackery -- it is the future narrative of their belief system.

Jeffrey Goldberg has written some fine pieces for The Atlantic on this subject, trying to finesse the balance between dealing with Iranian leaders who do say vile, aggressive things about Israel, and understanding that the way to bring them around to a compromise is not to engage in useless brinksmanship. That sort of nuanced thinking does not come easily (or, perhaps, at all) to people who attained power precisely by eschewing all appearances of nuance.

The mullahs' statements are for internal consumption, of course, but that doesn't mean that Israel and the US should laugh them off. Many things are simultaneously true, and two of the most important ones in that region are:  one, that Israel needs to attend to its miserable treatment of its Palestinian population, sooner rather than later; and two, that Israel really is surrounded by unstable, despotic regimes who stay in power by stoking the grievances of their seething, resentful populations.

However, it is also important to note that Iran is bordered by countries who possess nuclear weapons, namely Russia, India, and Pakistan. Not to mention Israel itself, not to mention that Saudi Arabia and Egypt are no doubt doing everything they can to acquire the technology as well. American lawmakers, just like American citizens, seem completely ignorant of the idea that other countries might have interests of their own, and that those interests might run contrary to our expectations of them, or of the countries in our "sphere of influence," as the saying goes.

But this particular episode goes beyond the usual bumpkin parochialism, this is simply interference for its own sake, a petulant child throwing a tantrum in the supermarket for no better reason than to embarrass his mommy in front of all the other shoppers. Cue the canned Sunday follies with Johnny Walnuts and Huckleberry Closetcase tag-teaming the hapless hosts over whatever bullshit they decide to spread this week.

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