WASHINGTON – President [Tweety McTinyhands'] speech Saturday at the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency turned into the latest battle in, as he put it, his "running war with the media." He had two central complaints: that the media misrepresented the size of the crowd at his inauguration and that it was incorrectly reported a bust of Martin Luther King Jr. was removed from the Oval Office. A look at those assertions:God, what a pathetic sack of shit this guy is. Some people will feel the need to humor him and engage this nonsense, and say Oh no, sir, we counted a bazillion people out there! More people than actually reside in the US! All the illegals and half of Canada and Mexico were there, because you're just that fucking awesome!
[McTINYHANDS]: "I made a speech. I looked out. The field was — it looked like a million, a million and a half people."
The president went on to say that one network "said we drew 250,000 people. Now that's not bad. But it's a lie." He then claimed that were 250,000 right by the stage and the "rest of the, you know, 20-block area, all the way back to the Washington Monument was packed."
"So we caught them," said [McTinyhands]. "And we caught them in a beauty. And I think they're going to pay a big price."
THE FACTS: [McTinyhands] is wrong. Photos of the National Mall from his inauguration make clear that the crowd did not extend to the Washington Monument. Large swaths of empty space are visible on the Mall.
Thin crowds and partially empty bleachers also dotted the inaugural parade route. Hotels across the District of Columbia reported vacancies, a rarity for an event as large as a presidential inauguration.
Of course, most Americans would love to get fifteen seconds with him to say Don't you get it? Nobody likes you! Only your halfwit cult followers and professional sycophants would want to be seen with you. Everyone who doesn't rely on you for a paycheck, or hasn't lost their oxy-addled mind, hates you. The rest of the world detests you, fears you the way they fear a dementia patient rolling their Caddy through a farmers' market, thinks our country has turned into a ludicrous joke. You haven't even been in office for forty-eight hours and you've already disgraced it. More people showed up in a number of cities across the country to protest you and your brain-dead bullshit, than showed up yesterday to support you. Do the honorable thing and fucking resign already. Everyone knows you're going to step on your dick, sooner rather than later, because you're both arrogant and stupid. You know you're going to do it. Just do us all a favor and go back to your fucking tower, and stay there.
But no. We're going to get one of these per day, on average, including his vacations (and you know full well this fucking guy is going to make Fredo Arbusto look like a workaholic). One down, 1,460 to go.
[Update 7:34 PST: Jesus H. Christ, it's even worse than you thought. Get a load of this (7:02, expand full text, all caps in original):
VERY, VERY FEW PEOPLE COULD DO THE JOB YOU PEOPLE DO AND I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW I'M SO BEHIND YOU, AND I KNOW MAYBE SOMETIMES YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN WHAT YOU WANTED, AND YOU GET SO MUCH BACKING, YOU SAY, PLEASE DON'T GIVE US SO MUCH BACKING. MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE, WE DON'T NEED THAT MUCH BACKING BUT YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THAT AND I THINK EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM KNOWS IT. THE MILITARY AND THE LAW ENFORCEMENT JOURNAL, HE'S THINKING, ABOUT ALL OF IT, BUT THE MILITARY GAVE US TREMENDOUS PERCENTAGES.
Holy fuck. It was bad enough assuming our fella 'murkins had voted for Scrooge McDuck's evil twin. Turns out they really voted for Ralph Fucking Wiggum. "PLEASE, MR. CLOWNSTICK, STOP WITH THE BACKING, THERE'S TOO MUCH BACKING, AGAIN WITH THE FUCKING BACKING, OY IT'S KILLING MY POSTURE!" What the fuck, is he a renegade upholsterer or something?
Not to mention that his premise and assertions, of course, are pure bullshit. Did you ever once hear about Obama cutting the intel budget, muscling them to work on pet projects or skew their findings, any of that stuff? Of course not. He never denied the military or intel divisions anything, as far as I ever heard.
Read the whole thing, if you have the stomach for it. The guy is a fucking idiot, who knows literally nothing about what his new job entails, what the people in national security actually do and how they do it. He could improve his knowledge level by a few orders of magnitude by reading a couple of spy novels. Instead he's going to turn it all over to Mike Flynn, a whackjob conspiracy theorist who probably hasn't finished cashing all his checks from the Russian government's propaganda arm.
Just for the sake of compare and contrast, here is the transcript from President Barack Obama's (yes, I miss him too) speech at the CIA right after the inauguration in 2009. Notice how the first thing Obama does is acknowledge the formidable learning curve ahead of him, and personally thank all the experienced people advising him. Compare that to Shit-for-Brains braying, "MIKE! MIKE! WE SHOULD STILL GET THE ISIS OIL, RIGHT? MIKE! THE OIL!" What this asshole doesn't know -- basic, fundamental, obvious shit -- would fill the fucking Grand Canyon several times over.
I think this may be the key to Clownstick's eventual undoing -- he's basically a shitty, tone-deaf lounge singer who only knows the same two or three songs. At this rate, he will never bring anyone over to his side through persuasion, and while his core base of idiots will never abandon him, the outer shell of the M'n'M of stupid will slough off rather quickly. They will not want to admit they got conned by this fourth-rate potato peeler salesman, and that's understandable, but they will get sick of it. I personally know someone who voted for Clownstick, and yet attended one of the local women's marches today. So maybe it's time to be cautiously optimistic that the schtick is getting old already, and the honeymoon is over.]