Top Ten Surprises During Bush's State Of The Union Speech
10. Cheney wears "Auschwitz outfit" again, hoping to set off ski-tard fashion trend.
9. New marketing schwag for Social Security privatization -- paper hats and can openers. Trust me, Gramps, you'll need 'em!
8. Picks fight with Canada, Belgium, and Ecuador with "Axis of Pussies" reference.
7. Bush confesses to wearing lucky "Home Of The Whopper" boxers, and a dab of Hai Karate behind each ear.
6. Dennis Hastert forgets to wipe face off and brush crumbs from man-tits after winning pre-speech pie-eating contest; Cheney looks over at him and makes insistent face-cleaning/chest-sweeping gestures throughout speech.
5. Forgets Poland. For that matter, he forgets Mexico.
4. Proposes $100 billion to research the secret of nougaty goodness. On Mars.
3. Tells rest of world to suck on it. Again.
2. Threatens uncooperative Democrats with group wedgies, or, if push comes to shove, swirlies in Hastert's toilet.
1. Keeps talking about how sweet Tehran and Damascus will be after we "rebuild" them.
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