Sunday, April 29, 2007

Beam Me Up

Okay, I've got some news for you, and I'm going to break it to you reeeeaaaal slow-like, so's you have sufficient time to absorb its fundamental truths:

It's a TV show, people.

THEY had gathered before dawn for the spectacle and in the end they got the promised "fiery streak across the sky".

And all were agreed - Trekkies, anxious relatives and the gathered ranks of the media - that last night Scotty the Scottish engineer from Star Trek got the send-off he deserved.

To cheers and wild applause you would not normally expect at a service for the dead, Spaceloft XL - with the ashes of James Doohan, the Irish Canadian actor who played Montgomery "Scotty" Scott in the cult space series, and the remains of 199 fellow "astronauts" took off on a perfect New Mexico morning.

Okay, dude, follow along with me. James Doohan was an actor. He portrayed a fictional character on a TV show, a show which lasted three seasons, was cancelled thirty-five years ago, and spawned a few movies of modest import and entertainment value. It's not real. William Shatner is not really the captain of a starship. In fact, there is no actual starship. It's a model. There are no "Klingons", except when you wipe your butt improperly.

Scotty became best known for the catchphrase, "Beam me up, Scotty," even though it was never actually uttered during the programme by James T Kirk, the captain of the Starship Enterprise.

Pretty much says it all, that a guy can be most well-known for a phrase that was never uttered. I loves me some collective psychosis.

Jesus, move out of your parents' basements already and get laid. Preferably with human women; putting an Uhura tunic on your inflate-a-date does not count.


Anonymous said...

It's kinda like another cancelled show: a Jewish dissident who wandered around for a mere three years, got "cancelled" with extreme prejudice by Roman entertainment execs, but now has more (and more rabid) followers than Star Trek.

Of course, nobody (yet) has killed/subjugated anybody in the name of James Tiberius Kirk. Given the two faiths, I know which one makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Even w/o an Uhura tunic.

Heywood J. said...

Oh yeah, as cults go, Trekkers are about as benign as Sufis or monastic Buddhists, no question about it. They've certainly never tried to impose their beliefs on anyone else, which deserves some credit.

I just like giving them a hard time whenever I get the chance. One of my favorite SNL skits was the one where Shatner's at a convention and comes unglued at all the obsessive questions. Classic.

And of course, the 30th anniversary of Star Wars is coming in a few weeks, so look for more obsessive nerd silliness.