Friday, May 20, 2005

Ask Heywood

Hammer Of The Blogs is pleased to present our new feature, where we answer actual reader queries in a public forum. It's Ask Heywood!

Dear Heywood:

What do you think Arnold Schwarzenegger's chances are for winning California's gubernatorial election in 2006?

Art Vandelay, San Paco, CA

Dear Art:

Despite his dwindling popularity, he probably has better-than-even odds right now, just because of the sheer lack of name recognition anyone on the Democratic side has thus far. But 18 months is a long time, and Schwarzenegger is giving them plenty to pummel him with.

Arnold's latest antic should come as no surprise to anyone who hasn't been dazzled by his numerous staged appearances at Stuckey's up and down the state (as if the rubes had anything at all in common with a multi-millionaire).

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has embarked on a multistate fundraising swing to raise some of the estimated $50 million his advisers say he'll need to wage an all-but-certain special election campaign.

Schwarzenegger arrives in Tampa on Friday before schmoozing with Gov. Jeb Bush and deep-pocket donors Saturday at a lunch in Miami. He then heads to Illinois and Texas, where he ends with a cocktail and dinner party Monday night in Dallas.

Yes, Ahnult's fighting for us Gullyvornians -- at John Ellis "Jeb" Bush's house.

Hey Heywood,
Is it true that Mexican President Vicente Fox is a racist? How can that be possible? Everyone knows that minorities can't be racists.

Mike Hunt, Bozeman, MT

Hey Mike,
You must be referring to this little fopax:

President Vicente Fox, the champion of Mexican migrants, is taking to the airwaves to convince Americans he isn't racist. An interview on U.S. civil rights activist Jesse Jackson's radio program Sunday will be Fox's first public comments about a firestorm he ignited a week ago by saying Mexicans take the U.S. jobs that "not even" blacks want.


Fox's comment unveiled to the world Mexico's obsession with skin color, which dictates people's status in society in a way few Mexicans are comfortable discussing.

Blacks aren't the only group that suffer from discrimination in Mexico. In a country where much of the population is of mixed Spanish and Indian ancestry, people often refer to one another with nicknames based on skin tone, and Indians are overwhelmingly poor with little access to education.

Other minorities are fair game as well. During the World Cup soccer tournament in 2002 in Japan, television ads poked fun of Asian culture by having people pull on the corners of their eyes.

Nice, huh? This should not be oversimplified as "Mexicans are racist". That's ridiculous. This is an institutionalized form of racism, in a country that is run by a very very small clique, like most of these backwater Third World banana republics.

One of the ways the .1% exert tacit control over the masses is by traditional legerdemain propaganda -- that is, create a distraction. Point to The Other. Find someone for the downtrodden to kick, because their life conditions make them want to kick someone.

Fox probably doesn't have anything against blacks; he seems to think everyone should own one. Which would qualify him for Senator from Missuhsippuh, I suppose.

You seem so angry. Why do you hate? Don't you really just want to be held?

Gerald Bostock, St. Cleve, UK

I am more frustrated than angry, which is a practical distinction. I don't "hate", but I enjoy verbally pummeling those in the public eye which I find to be undermining what's left of American civil society, as well as the world infrastructure at large. Anyone with an ounce of common sense ought to be pissed about that.

Finally, I do not really want to be held, unless it involves Heidi Klum and an enormous tub of Cool Whip. Mmmm, Cool Whip.

CONFIDENTIAL TO KENTUCKY CORNHOLE: I agree with you -- if you allow him to go anal, the least he can do is meet your parents. Tradition is important.

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