Sunday, December 31, 2006

Top Ten George W. Bush Resolutions For The New Year

10. Clear more brush. You can never clear too much brush.

9. Read more Camus. Also that Rick Warren fella.

8. Barbecue up one o' them nice clone steaks. Mmmm, clone steak.

7. Deport that "Dirty Sanchez" guy Jenna's unemployed Argentine boyfriend keeps talking about. He sounds like a prick.

6. Start another Iraq Study Group to counter that bullshit one Poppy and Jimmy Baker set up. A good, unvarnished, bipartisan group of experts would have included Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh. You don't need political cover when you've never done anything wrong.

5. Start an Iran Study Group and chair it with this guy. That'll teach Poppy to mess with Fredo's master planning.

4. Get more sleep. Can't have all those good, crisp decisions without a solid eleven hours, and a power nap or two during the day, you slave-driving motherfuckers.

3. Milk as much fake credibility as possible out of the latest accomplishment, courtesy of a bunch of guys who looked and sounded like they had just gotten done beheading a foreign contractor.

2. Pretend to be more attentive during Cheney's flash-card sessions, as if anybody really needs to know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland, or Iraq and Iran.

1. Come up with new excuses for wasting more lives.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My prediction: President Pelosi!

She'll be able to keep her promise of No Impeachment, as the televised hearings will reveal so much wrong doing, that Bush, Cheney, et al will resign in exchange for only having to plead guilty to one crime each. I just hope she doesn't pull a Gerald Ford!

Hillary will drop out of the 2008 race, as her triangulation on Iraq and Nancy's popularity will make her run impossible. Nancy will become wildly popular after spelling out how screwed this country is and has us all sacrifice to reverse some of the Bush Admin's damange.

McCain's Iraq position will be so discredited that he drops out too. This problem with reality won't hinder HoJo, who will get as much Joementum as he had in 2003-2004.

The American Taliban will reject Rudy and Mint Romney and go for Sam Brownback. In 2008, Sam will be beaten like a rented mule.

Ron Russell