Friday, December 01, 2006

You First

So the latest celebrity offender, in a sudden spate of them, is Danny DeVito, of all people, who apparently went out on a celebratory bender with George Clooney after Clooney's appearance on Letterman, and then showed up hungover and in rare form the next morning on The View.

Really. Can any among us claim that we wouldn't do the exact same thing under the same circumstances? Are you gonna say no to the opportunity to being Clooney's wingman on a pub crawl? And is there any way to sit on the Clucking Hen Couch O' Doom without being at least somewhat inebriated? That seems to work for the chick from Survivor who married the third-string quarterback. I mean, she is loaded on something, isn't she?

Anyway. Speaking of clucking hens, DeVito's goofy outburst has prompted the usual cries from the usual, um, corners:

Michael Richards, after using the “N-word,” apologized to African-Americans. Mel Gibson, after insulting a Jewish policeman, apologized to Jews. When Danny insulted the president and the presidency, he thought it appropriate, obviously, to apologize to Barbara Walters — a bigger celebrity than he is, and one who might not book him again. Figures.

On the next day’s show, Walters said no apologies were necessary . She “loved Danny” and wanted him back. She also loved, no doubt, the ratings spike the controversy had given The View.

But hey, Danny, how about apologizing for to the American people for being such a boor? The joint you so enjoyed wrecking just happens to be our White House.

Blyth seems to take DeVito a bit literally, as if DeVito had actually dropped a deuce on the middle of the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom or something.

But you want to talk about who owes whom an apology, dearie? How about George Washington Lincoln Churchill Bush apologizing to the American people, for his irredeemable lies, his counterproductive stubborness, his unacceptable stupidity, and most of all, his incredible willingness to keep right on wasting lives, money, honor, and prestige.

I despise these people, I really do. I have no doubt that Blyth and her fellow pearl-clutchers could not get enough apologies out of Clinton for his desecrations of the "people's house". Well, he apologized profusely, as well he should have.

But when the offenses are multiple, and impossibly grander by many orders of magnitude, who do the self-appointed overseers of etiquette and protocol need a pound of flesh from? Danny DeVito.

And they have no clue as to why they're so universally loathed. It really is something to watch. I just hope to hell that DeVito never gives them the satisfaction. GWLCB's transgressions on the people's house merit decades of penance and payback, before DeVito should feel the need to utter so much as a word of contrition.

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