Nooooooooo!!!

As a lifelong Oakland Raiders fan, you'd think I'd know better by now, but then they go and surprise me once again, and not in a good way.

With all the contract squabbles continuing, are the Eagles about to give [Terrell Owens] the heave-ho?

There are reports a trade is in the works with the Oakland Raiders. Owens would go to Oakland for wide receiver Jerry Porter.

T.O. may be trade bait because he wants the Eagles to give him more money.

Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ. Does Al Davis just sit around and huff glue and snort crank all fucking day? Is he fucking insane? Maybe he just figures that the more malcontent assholes on one team, the better. And just when Randy Moss was looking like the free-agent steal of the season, because he's been behaving himself thus far.

This all goes back to my infamous "football as cultural metaphor" post, which to this day has gotten as much response as anything I've ever written (and I'm as proud of it as anything I've ever written). If the Raiders think that larding their roster with prima donnas is going to magically pull them out of their post-Super Bowl 37 death spiral, they're hallucinating. Owens complained after getting to his first Super Bowl . He's a very good wide receiver; trouble is, he knows it. Not to mention that the Raiders are already plenty deep at WR; what they really need is a pass-rushing sack monster, and a better run-stopper at defensive line.

I'm still thinking this is just some bullshit rumor, it's gotta be -- Porter just got signed to a fat new contract, a contract which wouldn't be nearly what Owens is expecting. Porter also probably has another ten or so productive years ahead of him, where Owens will be lucky to have five.

The Raiders really don't need Owens; either their defense steps up this year, or they go 5-11 once again. They had to mangle the salary cap and beg Kerry Collins to restructure his salary just to make it all happen as it is. I can't imagine someone like Owens deferring compensation for a team with only a middling shot at the playoffs this year, much less a Super Bowl berth.

Then again, this is the team that traded Ken Stabler for Dan Pastorini, so anything's possible.

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Update, July 2: NFL.com swears on a stack of jockstraps that "[t]his trade is positively not happening."

Second-best news I've heard this weekend, next to the distinct possibility of the upcoming frog-marching of Herr Turd Blossom, the architect of this whole rotten tumor of an administration.