The System Jerks

Just when you think people can't get much stupider, they go and prove you wrong. Such is the case with the denouement of America's favorite soap opera, the Michael Jackson circus, er, ah, trial. Right, trial. Sure.

A crowd of Jackson fans outside the courthouse in Santa Maria, Calif., exploded in cheers as the court clerk read out the verdict count by count in a live audio broadcast.

This, aside from the sheer marshmallow nothingness of the story at hand, is why I've avoided commenting on this "story" lo these many months.

The only thing even marginally interesting to me, in a sort of anthropological way, is what makes these mouth-breather "fans" tick. But I can't comment on them, because English simply does not have words strong enough to convey my utter contempt at their uselessness as human beings living and contributing in a functional society.

If anything, they are a pop-culture canary in a coal mine, a prime symptom of what a dysfunctional, diseased society we have become. They and the media circus that lent them credence with coverage, without asking once, "What the fuck is wrong with these morons?", are a sad barometer of what is and is not considered "important" or "newsworthy" in a society that has no interest in learning anything except how to amuse itself more thoroughly.

The verdict came on the seventh day of deliberations in the case, which presented starkly contrasting views of the eccentric 46-year-old pop star. Prosecutors portrayed Jackson as a pedophile who lured the accuser, now 15, and other boys to his ranch and molested them after plying them with alcohol and showing them pornography to loosen their inhibitions and arouse them. Jackson's defense team, led by Mesereau, charged that the family of the accuser, a cancer survivor who was 13 when the alleged molestation occurred, was motivated by a desire to extract money from Jackson through false accusations.

Well, this may end up being something of a prophecy,as all the family can do now is attempt to get some satisfaction out of Jackson's chemically-peeled and surgically-butchered hide. The problem here is that the family of the kid, particularly the mother, have come off in a dismal light. It appears that they in fact are basically a family of grifters and users, ready and willing to take advantage of the generosity of others.

Certainly this is a despicable way to live one's life, but it bears little relevance to whether or not Jackson is a pedophile. It seems fairly certain that Jackson abused a grifter. The parallel is the O.J. Simpson trial, where the LAPD apparently tried to frame a guilty man.

Watching Keith Olbermann a while ago, my suspicions were confirmed by direct comments from the jurors themselves. They didn't like the mother's demeanor; they didn't like the way she comported herself; they didn't like the way she "snapped her fingers" at them. She has a very unsavory history of run-ins with the law, and seems to be something of a professional scam artist. Before they put cameras in supermarkets, she would have been making a living pulling 50 lb. sacks of dog chow on herself and settling a slip-and-fall with the store.

Again, this does not answer the question of whether Michael Jackson molested her son. There is more than enough circumstantial evidence to convict virtually anyone who couldn't afford to hire Thomas Mesereau as a lawyer, and call celebrities to the stand to disparage the kid and his family.

Anyone with experience in the field will tell you (and I do not have direct experience, but I've proofread hundreds of actual court cases, so I know how evidence is presented and accepted, particularly the low protective bar for child-abuse cases) that Jackson is textbook. His behavior with kids is the obvious sign, but his "eccentric" lifestyle is a dead giveaway as well, especially for someone who is supposed to be a parent. The description of his playroom where the crimes were claimed to have occurred, with secret doors, one-way locks, and trip alarms out in the hall to alert the people in the room that someone is approaching -- come on, do you need a fucking diagram?

Then again, he could have avoided all this if he'd been a Catholic priest. Just pay 'em off and go right back to what you were doing.

So way to go, members of the jury. You let a child molester go free because you were put off by the accuser's mom. Nice job folks, way to be petulant two-year-olds.

Tell you what. Why don't you celebrate by dropping your children and grandchildren off for a sleepover weekend at the Neverland Ranch? I mean after all, he's innocent, right?

No matter. Long before he went over to the Dork Side, Dennis Miller had a sage commentary on the O.J. verdict, on his old HBO show. He said something to the effect of, "You did it, you know it, we know it, and even though you didn't go to the pen, you're still in a prison of sorts. Every time you go out in public, you'll know that everyone who looks at you knows you did it, knows what kind of animal you really are, what you got away with. You're never going to work again, who'd hire you? You're our bitch now, pal."

So it is with Jackson. No one wants to be seen near this fucking creepy perv anymore, and his family is a bunch of useless sponges, siphoning off what he hasn't already managed to waste on monkeys and llamas and other childish shit. Really, what is it that his fans are fans of -- he's done nothing in over a decade besides crappy vanity projects and self-funded award shows. "Artist of the Millennium". Fuck you, asshole. Ever hear of Bach? Beethoven? Mozart? Shit, Loverboy has as much artistic integrity as Michael Jackson, and as an added bonus, they won't molest your pre-teen boys.

So welcome to the jungle, Mike -- it's all downhill from here. You're our bitch now.